did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
