He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
