The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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