bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
