I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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