census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
