im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
