I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
