And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
