Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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