I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
