He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
