i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
