please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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