You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
