Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
