took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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