I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
