why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
