please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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