I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
