Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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