I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
