so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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