Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
