I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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