all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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