Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
