We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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