I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
