I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
