My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
