Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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