1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
