last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
