**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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