He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
