I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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