Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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