So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
