Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
