you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
