I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
