Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
