I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
