Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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