so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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