Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
