Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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