That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
