thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its about making memories worth repressing
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But we have bathrooms and they dont
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
